* Butter Crunch *

Let's celebrate the fact that I have been an emergency MO for one whole year now. Wow. I am very amazed with myself, to tell you the truth.

Now, let me tell you about the turning point during which I decided to just leave this place.

There was a time when I was doing yellow-resus-yellow-resus shifts and one of our consultants came for rounds. During that time, there were only about 3 or 4 patients, so we had all the time in the world to do rounds just like the medical wards. At that particular moment, he decided to ask us MOs the ultimate question; "What are you interested in?" The other two of my friends answered that they were not sure. He suggested one of them go to medical (sarcasm detected).

As for me, I said "I am thinking of Pathology." (stupid reflex response detected)

A few weeks after that, our leader MO came to me and said, "Farah, I heard you were interested to join Pathology. Well, I did go and have a word with the HOD but currently there are no available slots." I was quite surprised as I have not even filled up my transfer form. "If you don't mind," she continued, "you can hang around here for a little while (read: a few months) and maybe later try and ask for the transfer. Meanwhile, maybe you can look up for courses and stuff. Also, me and one of the EPs is doing a list. Maybe we can slot you in one of the lists."

Oh wow. They actually have a "list". They actually are categorizing us. That was an eye-opener. Since then, I have been wondering in which category am I listed in. After observing, I have figured it out; I am in the substitutes list; in the second-line list. When the first-lines are not around, I am expected to be covering for them. When the main players are all out there having nice dinners and wearing pretty dresses and going to cool international conferences, I am expected to slave myself in the yellow zone with eyebags and a plastic apron. No credits given.

Well, ever since then, my shifts have been green-triage-green-green-green. No more resus. Occasionally yellow. Yup. I know my place now.

The most important lesson this place has taught me is to know my place. When you finally know your place and you figure out that you are not really liking this place of yours, just leave. Find a better place. Because, no matter what they tell you and how they treat you, you deserve better. You are better than being a substitute; you deserve to be the main player. Stop sitting at the side lines. Find some other place where you can shine. Each and every one of us deserves to be a star.

People will tell you that quitting is bad. But, they forget that quitting something bad is actually good. If you are not getting any benefits from staying, then what is the point? Do not let yourself decay in a place that does not appreciate you.

This world is huge with many interesting places. Find your place and be happy.

***

Rita Ora - Poison